Troubling News

I don't know how to start this besides saying, I didn't know there used to be a comedy show called The Fast Show.

 I found it on youtube after swiping the iPad from Tiniest of Tots (who is truly a tech wiz by now). Well, it's like, uh, real funny and multi-faceted, and, like, I think more people should watch it and know of it and stuff.

The Ted/Ralph sketches are particularly clever. Poignant, is the word. So is genius, sweet, well-executed. Here's the link.

Not in a very playful/writer-y mood today, to your relief, no doubt.

'Tis a blustery, autumn day--mists of rain, grey sky. Canapoo be beauteous indeed, even in such weather.

Some Troubles have taken over our lives. Little Love is having health issues (is average height, but extremely underweight--he is off the chart, actually). Worried. Blood results are consistently normal. No metabolic disorder, etc.

 I try to stuff him, Le Hub tries to stuff him... However, like the good doctor* said, you can take the horse to the well, but you can't force it down its throat. Or take a Little to a lobster/dolphin steak/chocolate-coated cockroach/rice cereal.

Especially if the Little uses his newly acquired teeth as a firm, tightly clenched gate that not an ounce of food can pass.

 *they are always GOOD DOCTORS if they are highly qualified but humble old men; sweet, short, bald, with a concerned furrowed brow. And especially if they furnish their office with their own oil paintings, Renoir prints, cuckoo clocks, and a portrait of Princess Diana goofing around with children.

 

Musings of Significance

My sister requested I stop posting about makeup. So instead I will list a few questions that have been dancing in my mind like serene tulip-clad fairies jn a mystical glade.

Is Kipper of Kipper the Dog fame always, and I mean, always, having sinus problems? It sounds like it. And are all his little friends equally susceptible? Have they not been vaccinated? That pig Arnold sure likes lollipops; maybe those are the problem? Can't be good for the immunity. There is a very effective ginger tea recipe which I'd like to send them.

How many helium balloons would it take to lift Sweetness Delight to a distant cloud? Kipper only needed twelve.

How many birthdays does it take for parents to get jaded? Eleventy billion I reckon?

Why is Ferrero Rocher more popular/well-known/accessible than Ferrero Rafaelo? The latter are far superior....morsels of divine creamy coconut-y goodness. I have never seen an ad campaign for them. Is it a guarded secret that only few, Talha Bhai being one of them, are privy to?

Who is Hugo Boss' boss? Did he, as a young teen, work at construction sites to make ends meet. and have to put up with a vicious boss (lowercase) shouting, 'where's that young Boss now? dreaming again, ya pussy? c'mere and get a grip! Do the job properly ya nutter. Boss, the drill end goes in the cement, not the ceiling! Boss you're fired! Ah, go suck rambutan!'

Chapped lips? This'll do the trick

...the Dior Crème de Rose lip balm.

Like anything that ACTUALLY works, it won't immediately sort you out. Need a couple of uses or...even more! As the lips heal.

 Mine were in a terrible state the first time I used it. Almost bleeding, cracking, one big blister waiting to happen (if I smiled too widely in a wayward wind. Winsomely).
First use...okay, softer, smooth, shiny...shininess doesn't distract me from the scraggly bits underneath. Is this just a veneer with no benefits? Are you just humouring me, having successfully conned me out of a substantial amount of money that could have gone towards Perfection Personified's diaper fund?????

Second application...hmm, what happened to those flaking bits? Third...better, better. Fourth...why am I using this again?

Better than every commercial lip balm I've tried, not better than pure lanolin.

 However, while lanolin gives great immediate effect, it doesn't soothe or heal--my lips seem to get worse with every use. With this, their rehabilitation is gradual. But that lovely soothing layer seems to absorb better and last longer. Unless you have a Yummy Young'un, too, with sparkling eyes, in which case all the hugs and kisses will mean you'd have to reapply every hour or so. Worth it.
(BABY ATED PIZZA TODAY!
 IT DIDN'T NEED TO BE MASHED, HE HELD IT AND BIT CHUNKS OFF LIKE A REGULAR BASEBALL FAN!!)

 Comes in a white container which wouldn't look out of place on a Rococo dressing table.
Sweet pastel rose tint (barely discernible once on), soft rose scent, good good good. I LOVE the texture. It's supposedly "smoothing and plumping"--well-moisturized and wrapped in this creamy cushion, of course they will look fatter.

Absorbs well, but not so well that your lips are left vulnerable and shivering. Neither too heavy nor too light. Not greasy. Makes a good base for lipsticks that tend to deflate and shrivel yon...lips. It's a bore to say "lips" so many times in a row. Let's break it up a bit. Jack jumped o'er the candlestick.

This Dior __ balm is indispensable for L'HIVER (OMGGG, MUN... I REMEMBERED MORE FRENCH), so swing by the counters and buy it already. IT'S ALMOST NOVEMBER PEOPLE.

Oh, a good cheapie tip I heard from Bobbi Brown once: to use eye cream on lips as an overnight treatment. (BB no believe in lip balm, nor unicorns.) Which I've done, in moments of desperation. (Doesn't work. I'm a hard case). Of course, eye cream is usually tres ka-ching, plus WHAT IF YOU INGEST NASTIES?!?!? (Can't be worse than Coca Cola, mutters a wise man).

Oh by the way it has chemical SPF, so if you're allergic to that, avoid and do a honey facial, not sparing the lips. Will moisturize them. Somewhat. For a whole three minutes.
 

Feline Flick

And following on the heels of the previous post, here we have a-friggin-nother! (Adding friggin to every friggin word is totes friggin cool. Friggin do it. Won't come across as a friggin poser. Serioufrigsly.)

Okay so let's talk about what I think encapsulates the prettiest, most flattering little look that ever existed. You may already know it. You may already do it. If so, pat on the back and have a cupcake. Have two.

"The Feline Flick" AKA cat eyes. What all the elegant desi aunties were in on, back in the day, before they started going manic with the falsies, OTT jewels and saris. Of course, they went manic with the braids and beehives then, so it's all a matter of perspective.

Way better than red lips (not ghoulish + you can drink coffee, and leave the mug unmolested by icky red stains).
Of course, you can swipe on a red lippie too, which is why this look is so genius. Whatever you do with the rest of your face, hair, outfit, it always works, falls into place, never jarring.

It's a Charlotte Tilbury video.

 She's a makeup artist whose work I have long admired/followed without actively trying. It is...everywhere. Most ad campaigns, catwalk looks, and editorials in which the makeup is To Die For, turns out she was the creator.

 Besides, she like, made up Kate Moss' face, like, loads of times darling, and did you know, loads of people, plus Kate Moss who is after all, simply divine, really...Okay. Point taken. Shut up, me! She's quite the name-dropper but why not, after all. Revel in thy success, Mossy's posse.

Je suis BOSS. Je m'appelle Moss.

Here 'tis: the easiest route to understated glam ever.

Good products for this look: Physician's Formula eye booster pen in Ultra Black. (Don't get mere "Black"--that one comes out a watery grey). Best liquid liner ever, fine-pointed felt tip, precise, very very black, inexpensive. 11 dollars at SDM right now, wot.

 Essence Midnight in Paris gel liner or (bit pricier, not much) Annabelle Smudgepot in Black...both are just as good as the expensive gel liners, and better than some.

Brushes: The Bobbi Brown fine liner brush mentioned, or Sonia Kashuk's fine angled liner brush (Target). Actually, the brush that comes with the Maybelline Gel liner is my favourite of the lot.

Makeup remover: She says to use a moisturizer but Bioderma Crealine or any other cleansing water (La Roche Posay...Avene...even Garnier) is way way better. Won't smudge the way a moisturizer can.

 

Bodacious Lashes...and my admittedly genius combo

I'm not usually one to talk, think, or write about mascara. Gag. Lots of subjects are deeply fascinating. Iguanas, how the Cuban government operates, Venusian storms, or Saturn's for that matter, pomegranate farming, and so on. Mascara is NOT one of them.

Besides, there is not very even footing for discussion. Mediocre mascaras come and go, a good eyeliner is forever.
Preferences vary, as do lashes (curly, straight, sparse...). PLUS it takes at least a week of use in order to assess a mascara properly. The formula needs to be exposed to air, it takes time to dry out to a less goopy consistency, you need to see if it flakes/crumbles/causes allergies... blah di blah.

I've been through the expensive and drugstore ones. Whatever's available, I've tried. (Aside from YSL and Armani mascaras. Just can't bear to fork out my kid's college fund to a bi-monthly mascara habit, ya know.)

The worst one in recent memory was the gaudy gold tube by Guerlain, Le 2. Twas heavily fragranced, burned eyes, causing one to swell up for days so I resembled Quasimodo...
 Horrific. I actually mentioned this to some other makeup nerds  makeupalley forums, and some people said they had had the same experience. Weighed down my naturally curly lashes till they were completely straight, flaked, the works.
PLUS: Unnecessarily double-sided (two for the price of one? not good when both sides suck), a complete gimmick. BOO GUERLAIN, BOO!!


The best one so far, for me, was the Essence I love extreme volume mascara, about 3 dollars at Shopper's Drug Mart. Under-rated yet it delivers!
Volume, length, the darkest black available (just as black as the super-expensive 'scaras, and far darker than regular drugstore 'carbon black'). Blah di blah. Am on 3rd or 4th tube. Easy to overdo, though.

Coloured mascaras? If you use one that is not pink (ew Hunger Games lady!!), you are awesome.
 I remember using a blue mascara in high school, with sparkly gold eyeshadow. Fun fun.
An excellent reasonably priced blue mascara is Quo's, 15 dollars, and lasts ages! They also do a purple one.

Okay now that I've rambled on and on and lost my sole reader (hi sis! how many cupcakes have you feasted on today?), let me get to the FRIGGIN POINT ALREADY.

Having stumbled upon a splendiferous, fantabulous--and other made-up Roald Dahl words--mascara combo I need to share with the InTeRnEtZzZzZ...or die trying. (Typing takes a lot out of you, you know. Risky. Business.)

The combo is....(pens out. notepads ready.)....is....is...(quick inhalation)...
L'Oreal Double Extend Beauty Tubes + Bourjois Liner Effect 'scara!
Do one eye first. Don't want the 'scara to dry in between coats. Otherwise: clumps.

You apply the white side of L'Oreal very fast (it is double sided. but unlike Guerlain, this is not a gimmick). The white side gives GOBS of length. GOBS, I say.

Then apply the black side (again, speed is of the utmost importance). No pause. THEN...the Bourjois just to fill in what you've already done. You can do the bottoms with L'oreals black side if inclined to.

Whew. Done. Fast. Heart racing. Clock ticking...
Move onto the next eye. Quick! Breathing is for amateurs! Hurry scurry little mouse...

Then collapse in a heap and await the ambulances.

Reasons why this amazing combo rocks:
~requires two reasonably priced mascaras, so it's like you're paying for a high-end scara, but with way better results.
~you can often find both of these mascaras on sale, or use a coupon. Or, you know, SDM points if you're lucky enough to be a Canuck.
~no flaking. long-lasting. you can use on bottom lashes and needn't fear charcoal smudges.
~literally: a false lash effect. The kind promised in doctored, photoshopped ads. Sans lash infills as with Penelope Cruz and Rai, Rai, Rai.
Length. Volume. Black. Perfect separation.
~easy to remove. No watery eyes and burning mascara remover required. Just warm water and a teensy bit of rubbing. BECAUSE THE L'OREAL DOUBLE EXTEND BEAUTY TUBES (L.D.E.B.T.) IS A TUBING 'SCARA! Different to a normal 'scara. Other tubing 'scaras include Lise Watier 24 Hours mascara, Clinique Lash Power, MAC Opulash, Blinc, etc.

One might go so far as to suggest this same effect can be achieved with any combination of tubing mascara+separating mascara. One might be right.
Me? Staying loyal to this combo till the devil possesses me. Or till the next mascara drives by, winking, in a flashy car and a flurry of hype.

I don't care to use an eyelash curler, by the way. SO SUE ME, PENELOPE. SUE. ME. (please don't, though. your lawyer's a fiend, I've heard.)




The End
APPLAUSE.

Credits:

Bourjois Liner Effect

          L'Oreal Double Extend Booty Toobz

Quasimodo, aka artist's rendition of the author of this marvelous piece

Penelope Cruz

Aishwarya Rai

A lawyer (Penelope's, je think)
 

Blood tests

Eid was awesome. Besides the blood test bit.

I don't understand what it is about blood tests for babies. My son has low weight for his age and height, so we often have to take him for testing. Every single time, bar one, we have had to get it done, the execution is exceptionally horrid. (Or unexceptionally. It's startling when they get it right).

Yesterday, we took him to the Sick Kids hospital. 

Blood test consisted of lady poking him with a needle, pushing it in, blood coming out like hardened treacle, and Not Going Into the Vial. 

So for what seemed like a century, the lady is standing there trying her utmost not to curse, stressed face. Meanwhile I'm holding the wailing, desperately frightened baby down, and hubby is holding his phone above baby's head, playing a Wiggles episode to distract him. (Run on sentence, but mid-rant I can't be bothered to edit.)

We were Five Minutes in before the lady asked me to push the red help button. 

I know the timing for a fact, mayhaps off by a minute and several seconds, because this Wiggles episode is on youtube, called counting, and we were nearing the end of the Captain Feathersword song, which is at the five min mark.

Second lady comes in, tells first one she had the needle in wrong spot (all the while baby is going purple and screaming in pain/fright). I also noticed she had to readjust the tube (the little wire thingy was on wrong!!). Reinserts to correct spot. Blood fills the tube. Baby crying. 

Second lady tells me to hold tissue down on a specific spot on baby's arm, which I do. She moves away. I am holding it where she had put it.

 Baby crying. Several minutes of me trying in vain to sing songs and soothe him. No movement of tissue aside from holding it down.

Turns out the lady had put the tissue paper in the WRONG SPOT and blood was still spurting onto the table!! Streams. Hubby swears. 

Second lady in an attempt to protect her job, we later decided, berated ME for 'not pressing it down' (which I assure you I did-not my fault she put it in wrong spot!) while I wash baby and myself off. Neither of them put a band aid on him, helped us in any way, nothing. 

Blood also got onto my coat so I have proof.

Incompetent staff? Inadequate training? 

Have been to Life Labs previous times, and had a lady take several vials before deciding she hadn't done the job correctly and needed to take several more. Eight total. (Remember, we are talking about a little baby, who doesn't realize what is happening, or why, only that it hurts and feels wrong. For many adults, even getting one vial is a big deal)

Many more incidents to recount.

The Epidemic of Frightening Eid Makeup aka Step Away from the Kohl

Eid Mubarak in advance, to those who chose, over a night of sensible sleep, to devour beauty tips from that most qualified (have you SEEN her? -whistles-)  of beauties, and bonniest of lasses, also known as...well my modesty prevents me from saying but mayhaps your keen eye hath detected she whom my humble tongue doth flail at mentioning? 

Blah. Anyway- Mubarak and a hearty raising of the cup (Rooh Afza, ma)! Now, onto a matter of the greatest urgency!

What-quoi-will you wear to your Eid bonanza? Makeup-wise, of course. Because everything else is non-negotiable.

Look- le dress, will be ostentatious as a conman's mansion, non?

 Le jewels, yours and your cousin's, they shall be winking lasvicsiously at each other from across the table, sensing an impending entanglement when you two sally forth to do the Eid Embrace.

Le hair, it shall be DONE-a-roo, as they say in Australia. (Crocodile Done-dee.)

Le heels-they shall be kindly lending you an extra 5 inches so as to compound the discomfort that glamour requires.

So why-why-why-nande- tread the territory of Overdone Aunt on the Prowl, and INSIST on heavy makeup too?

Do you really want a tri-coloured smokey, poorly applied falsies, to top off the towering, dangerously swaying, off-centered wedding cake, that will be your Eid Look? Enough to put your loved ones through the strain of suppressing their grimaces, as the Look deteriorates over the course of a meal? 

"Wabi sabi, dear. It's all the rage. Do pass the wasabi," she smiled brightly. It would be a rather fetching smile too, if it hadn't revealed the blood-red lipstick coating her front two teeth.

 If you spray on perfume like an Arab sheikha would, about to head out to a club with her doting but unsuspecting dad's credit card, well then-the effect will be deadly. Repulsive as pest spray, but without the benefit of warding off mosquitoes. And no-tis not always desirable to be a knockout. 

(My point, which I shall get to, as I most certainly plan on it, and it shall ensue, and come forth, within a moment if not sooner, the point that is, what else but.)

Look- a friendly suggestion. For your makeup at least, do something mild, not major. 

A soft bronze or taupe eye, perhaps, or just a winged liner instead of KOHL EVERYWHERE. A subtle wash of interesting colour as opposed to a muddied rainbow. One product for lips instead of a gruesome monstrosity of dark liner/pale lipstick/thick gloss.

 Don't worry about the bright festive colours and Rooh Afzah stains detracting from a pared back face. They won't drown it out and you still have room for fun. 

Sans three sets of crusty false lashes, cakey foundation, glittery cheekbones, smeared fuchsia lips. The children will thank you.

I'm going for Lush Sophisticated cream shadow with Pupa Luminys 401 for the crease. Soft taupes.
 Tight lining and mascara, sheer cream blush, and soft pink lips. Still unsure as to what attire to don, but this refined palette will most definitely go with anything.

P.S.

If desi, plz keep this in mind as a rough guide to life: DON'T. DO. PAINDOO.

The only paindoos I'm cool with are the genuine ones. You know, with DON'T JALLUS painted in chilling Goosebumps font, on the back of their taxis/rickshaws/automotive transportation device.
They tend to see life in technicolor through holographic red/lime green goggles, and all is forgiven and even...appreciated. 

Zeal for deal(z)

It's 6 am but my conscience won't let me rest till, like a town crier, I ring a bell and alert the populace...
Two skincare deals which you may be glad to hear of:

-30% off Neostrata products at Shoppers Drugmart.
Have not tried the entire range but one of my desert island prodz be from this range... Neostrata Toning Solution (level 2 but level 1 good for beginners). 'Big good,' as Tarzan would say. I highly recommend you take this opportunity to get it. Till Oct 18 je think....

 Why: contains both BHA and AHA. Acids that will refresh and slowly brighten and increase cell turnover and get rid of clogged pores and and and and...!
(Also makes rest of skincare absorb more effectively and over time...pretty much ensures Results). But!... don't take my word for it. Check out the makeupalley rave reviews and take THEIR word for it.
It's pretty much the same as the ever popular Alpha H liquid gold and if it had gold razmatazz (or silver. Or bronze) in the title, it'd be more hyped too.

-SAAF skincare (l'organique line), c'est 50% off the entire range. Code: WINTER50.

Why this is amazing: they make hair, body, face prodz. It's a something for everyone scenario, and guessfrigginwhat?!

 They had certain items already on sale and this 50% off deal STILL applies!

Deal schmeal, I needed to stock up on their Ultimate Moisture Serum anyway (rosehip oil, pomegranate, ylang ylang...other fun words that je cannot remember at zis moment). Their face and body balm is also a great item to have on hand (cured my son's seemingly incurable chapped lips. Miracle? Perhaps)....

Not affiliated with above brands, etc etc.
Hm.... Time for more hot chocolate. Zippity zoop, and turrah!

Because I love you

Because my love for you is true, here are a few things of which I wish to whisper to you...


~Glycerin (cheap!) added into any body moisturizer/face cream DOUBLES, TRIPLES, the moisture-boosting-powers. Try it. Mix it into steeped green tea, or plain water for a good spritzer that is just as good as MAC Fix+. Just store in fridge and remember to throw it out every two weeks to avoid bacteria growth.

My personal mix: I steeped (organic...dunno why that's important for topical application. It FEELS important) lavender/chamomile tea and green tea...added witch hazel, 1/2 tspn glycerin, a bit more water, shook it up, et voila!

So lonngggg, sucker

~Zoe Foster, my inspiration as a teenager, author of many a beauty article and chick lit book, has come out with a great app for your iPhone. It's called "AMAZING FACE." Sounds promising.

 I love it and highly recommend it. It cost me $3.99. A fun and useful little doohickey.
 Contains basic info and tips that are handy to cart around. E.G. things to say at the hairdresser's.
 Has little video and picture tutorials for a myriad of basic beauty routines, like a textured updo, a long-lasting red lip, etc.
 THE BEST PART: it gives you lists of key items you should have for your bathroom cupcoard, car, purse, etc.
And you can store lists of key items in your kit, as well as stuff you want to get. A shopping list, so you don't forget under the disorienting, gleaming lights of Holt Renfrew. It's perfect especially for beauty beginners, so do tell your mother, friend, niece, about it.

Here is Zoe Foster, backing up her Amazing Face claims with her very own, amazing face :)

~The perfect nude lip. Found.

 "THEY" (magazines, beauty editors) say:
Check the COLOUR of your GUMS. DO IT. YOU LOOK LIKE A SNARLING WOLF, WHAT OF IT? Now...match that tone.

I say: Sacre bleu! That idiotic snarl in the mirror showed me only that my gums that are pinky-red veering on pastel pink. And yet.
No pinky nude lip suits me.
GOSH Darling (waste of  $13) was the last to prove this.
Perhaps I wasn't made for nude lips!
Perhaps my lips be too red, my nose too bulbous, my frown too grim.

THEY say: TRY AGAIN. NUDE LIPS ARE UNIVERSAL. THEY REIGN ETERNAL.

I say: No. No. No again! No. -tossing aside lipsticks- Ooh. Wait a sec.
Hell-looo J Lo! Goll-ly!

THEY SAY: SEE? WE TOLD YOU.

I say: I look well-slept. Refreshed. Polished but not overdone.

THEY SAY: SO WHAT WAS IT? Your perfect nude lipstick...what IS it?

I say: Anna Sui.
(crowd gasps)
Yes, indeed, Anna Sui. Shade 701.

THEY SAY: Eh?? Does that brand even MAKE lipsticks? Isn't it all overpriced, faux-goth plastic-coated trash, for rich little girls?

I say: They do make lipsticks and they are great. I shall ignore your other comments as I, and Anna, are above them.

You need a good balm beforehand if you have flakes but otherwise, these are quite moisturizing. The finish is almost jelly-like. It gives sheer coverage, which is key I think, so your natural colour still shows through. You can build it up to almost complete opacity. It looks yummy. Needs reapplication after a few hours, but what of it? So do the YSL Rouge Voluptes.
 It is just pigmented enough without being too MAC-Myth-ish.

They say: Can you back that up with a photo?

I say: I can, although this was taken when I was SICK, little sleep, the usual. I have since purchased Anna Sui 303 which is the sweetest subtly-brightening pink one can imagine, and am completely enamoured with her whole lipstick line. They carry a black lipstick, didja know??

They say: Ahem.

I say: Ah. Yes. Here ya go.

Before--au naturel lips. (That flattering, subtle gleam upon my lids, is Dior Rosy Tan)

After: Anna Sui 701 with a bit of Elizabeth Arden Sugared Kiss lip liner at edges blended inwards....

THEY SAY: GOB...smacked.

In which we come upon Le French Lingo and are left suitably impressed

First of, seeing as the intent of this blog was to cover "beauty, books, and baby" let me address the book part. A fat congrats to all Canadians; Alice Munro, Nobel Prize winner! I have a dim recollection of reading some of her books, but here is an opportunity to revisit them (in se-lay-bra-see-yon!).

 Speaking of Canadian writers, my new FAVOURITE one...Robertson Davies! Pure class.

Possessor of the finest Wikipedia photograph, a splendid beard, and wit to match.

 Perhaps it's too soon to rave, I only happened upon his book serendipitously at the library. It's the last one in a trilogy, A Mixture of Frailties, and really, needs no lead-up. C'est perfect on it's own. (C'est, you see? Subtly snuck that in, didn't I? Nearly missed it, didn't cha?)

(J'ai MORE.)
Petit. Chien. Woof.

(Bask in the Frenchness. Let it wash over you leaving but a gently undulating redolence in its wake. Ah me. Oh my. Sacre bleu. Etc)


 It is one of those cases where you can sense the author's skill from the first page. Amusing, interesting, insightful. Looked him up. He's won the Stephen Leacock Memorial Medal...no wonder I love his style! Stephen Leacock was only the best humour writer evvvvaarrr! #FANGIRL4LYF

Ok. Back to business. Nude li....
Ahhh what the hell. Let's leave this as is and save the warpaint frivolity for another post.

Mais oui. ANOTHER PHOTO. Because I like the cut of his jib. So what? It's my blog. Wanna make somethin' of it? Back off you...untidy ruffian, you.