"FOUR RHYMES WITH DOOR.
And doors shut close. And close is how you spell closet, without the T. And tea is my most cherished addiction. So ya, thanks for offering, but I already had three cups."
Sorry.
The above is a spinoff of the stunning display of logic demonstrated by my little brother's crush (SECRET GF, I KNOW IT!). She reeeally believes in the interconnectedness of all things.
Basically she's all: "You called me a b*tch? [I didn't. Nor did anyone else, far as I know]
Well! B*tches are dogs. And dogs BARK.
And BARK comes from TREES. And trees are from NATURE. And nature is BEAUTIFUL! So ya, thanks for the compliment!"
THE PROFUNDITY!
Anyway...back to material things.
1. Mac Fix+. I did a horrendously artificial look (think "KARDASHIAN") the other day, to celebrate getting a NEW HOUSE (suppressed urge to squeal/cartwheel just here).... Well, it WAS overly contoured, overly powdery and just..ugh. Gross. Solution: went over with a few sprays of MAC Fix+. Et voila! Je felt & looked fresh as newly fallen snow -before the raccoons ravage it with paw prints... Got compliments and you know..just...unff..*kisses reflection*
This stuff also helps blend out the ever so chalky (but great) Lise Watier concealer/corrector wheel (PORTFOLIO LES BEIGES)... Adds dewiness, yum, and zest! So much better for makeup than overpriced Omorovicza Queen d'Hungarieeee... (good for skin, no doubt, but not, repeat not, for THE MASK THAT ADORNS LES VISAGES)
2. Yumminess. I MEAN. Kryolan Aquacolor.
These come in a range of (bright) shades, but it's the black I mean.
This was my first makeup purchase OF LIFE.
I clearly recall the day of acquisition. Was visiting cousins in Pakistan. Party (to President's house woo! --this is before the grossness that is Zardari was "elected"..ha!) next day.
"Oh noes!" I moaned. "Je do not have the prettiness that is eyeliner. Or indeed, any makeup. Only 13 ans, nest-ce pas? May je borrow from tu?"
My enlightened cousins responded (after berating me for being pretentious): "Mais oui! 'ere! Ah, but you zoo not 'ave ze eyeliner! Pourquoi? Ah, we shall walk to makeup counter avec toi, and see what there is to be seen... You down, hunny bun?"
"Down like a clown, Charlie Brown."
"NOT ALLOWED TO BUY ANYTHING EXCEPT CLEAR LIP GLOSS!" was my mother's last bellow, as we left.
But, as any teen would've, except the really annoying goody-two shoes ones (anyone with last name of Patel, in my experience), I disobeyed.
And...let's cut this short. "ZUT ALORS!" would be the appropriate reaction of anyone using this for the first time.
This is like a cake/cream eyeliner. It's lasted me since 2003 and has shown no sign of going off. About 98.789944% left.
I use MAC Fix+ or rose water, whatever, and a brush. Perfect. You can also use it as an eyeshadow base, to "enliven" the hues of chalky eyeshadows. It's the best to travel with too, and you feel all all geisha/elegant noblewoman when you use it. The less convenience in cosmetics, the greater the allure (see: Guerlain Meteorites). SO much cooler than boring gel/liquid/pencil.
3. speaking of LIQUID eyeliner... Go for Physician's Formula Eye booster pen+serum in Ultra black. Just do it. This is more a memo to myself, in case je run out, than to any imaginary reader (of which I have plenty. Father Dougal McGuire, for one). It is like a tapered calligraphy brush, in a pen, with cosmetic goodness inside. THE MIND BOGGLES.
I had it in "black" for the longest time (watery grey, pretty for subtle looks) but went out looking for the "blackest black" and couldn't find it... except at MALL FART/DOLL CART/what have you.
Package was opened.
Being gross, and desperate, je purchased. Je ne regrette pas.
4. I have four words for you: Chantecaille La Baleine Bleue. To which your response may well be: "I know you are, but what am I?"
Granted, I don't own this. Nor do I plan on purchasing (diapers cost MONEY! MONEY DOESN'T GROW ON TREES! BUT IT'S MADE FROM IT! SOMETIMES!). But! For only $100 minus $2, it could be thine! I'm talking to you, Father McDougall. Muffy Crosswire. VERONICA LODGE!
And of course, all the daughters of Arab oil sheikhs that ever were. Ms. Oil Sheikha.
LOOKY! PURDY!
(Although one might question why, at that price, it doesn't play haunting whale songs every time you open it).
the end.
..
TWO TEABAGS per cup, and I still can't feel the caffeine. This motherhood thing is exhausting.
Je suis fatty gay*.
..
*not a slur.**
**slur rhymes with blur. And blur rhymes with durr. And durr is what stupid people say. And stupid is the opposite of smart. And Stephen Hawking is smart. So ya, thanks for the Nobel Prize.
And doors shut close. And close is how you spell closet, without the T. And tea is my most cherished addiction. So ya, thanks for offering, but I already had three cups."
Sorry.
The above is a spinoff of the stunning display of logic demonstrated by my little brother's crush (SECRET GF, I KNOW IT!). She reeeally believes in the interconnectedness of all things.
Basically she's all: "You called me a b*tch? [I didn't. Nor did anyone else, far as I know]
Well! B*tches are dogs. And dogs BARK.
And BARK comes from TREES. And trees are from NATURE. And nature is BEAUTIFUL! So ya, thanks for the compliment!"
THE PROFUNDITY!
Anyway...back to material things.
1. Mac Fix+. I did a horrendously artificial look (think "KARDASHIAN") the other day, to celebrate getting a NEW HOUSE (suppressed urge to squeal/cartwheel just here).... Well, it WAS overly contoured, overly powdery and just..ugh. Gross. Solution: went over with a few sprays of MAC Fix+. Et voila! Je felt & looked fresh as newly fallen snow -before the raccoons ravage it with paw prints... Got compliments and you know..just...unff..*kisses reflection*
This stuff also helps blend out the ever so chalky (but great) Lise Watier concealer/corrector wheel (PORTFOLIO LES BEIGES)... Adds dewiness, yum, and zest! So much better for makeup than overpriced Omorovicza Queen d'Hungarieeee... (good for skin, no doubt, but not, repeat not, for THE MASK THAT ADORNS LES VISAGES)
2. Yumminess. I MEAN. Kryolan Aquacolor.
These come in a range of (bright) shades, but it's the black I mean.
This was my first makeup purchase OF LIFE.
I clearly recall the day of acquisition. Was visiting cousins in Pakistan. Party (to President's house woo! --this is before the grossness that is Zardari was "elected"..ha!) next day.
"Oh noes!" I moaned. "Je do not have the prettiness that is eyeliner. Or indeed, any makeup. Only 13 ans, nest-ce pas? May je borrow from tu?"
My enlightened cousins responded (after berating me for being pretentious): "Mais oui! 'ere! Ah, but you zoo not 'ave ze eyeliner! Pourquoi? Ah, we shall walk to makeup counter avec toi, and see what there is to be seen... You down, hunny bun?"
"Down like a clown, Charlie Brown."
"NOT ALLOWED TO BUY ANYTHING EXCEPT CLEAR LIP GLOSS!" was my mother's last bellow, as we left.
But, as any teen would've, except the really annoying goody-two shoes ones (anyone with last name of Patel, in my experience), I disobeyed.
And...let's cut this short. "ZUT ALORS!" would be the appropriate reaction of anyone using this for the first time.
This is like a cake/cream eyeliner. It's lasted me since 2003 and has shown no sign of going off. About 98.789944% left.
I use MAC Fix+ or rose water, whatever, and a brush. Perfect. You can also use it as an eyeshadow base, to "enliven" the hues of chalky eyeshadows. It's the best to travel with too, and you feel all all geisha/elegant noblewoman when you use it. The less convenience in cosmetics, the greater the allure (see: Guerlain Meteorites). SO much cooler than boring gel/liquid/pencil.
3. speaking of LIQUID eyeliner... Go for Physician's Formula Eye booster pen+serum in Ultra black. Just do it. This is more a memo to myself, in case je run out, than to any imaginary reader (of which I have plenty. Father Dougal McGuire, for one). It is like a tapered calligraphy brush, in a pen, with cosmetic goodness inside. THE MIND BOGGLES.
I had it in "black" for the longest time (watery grey, pretty for subtle looks) but went out looking for the "blackest black" and couldn't find it... except at MALL FART/DOLL CART/what have you.
Package was opened.
Being gross, and desperate, je purchased. Je ne regrette pas.
4. I have four words for you: Chantecaille La Baleine Bleue. To which your response may well be: "I know you are, but what am I?"
Granted, I don't own this. Nor do I plan on purchasing (diapers cost MONEY! MONEY DOESN'T GROW ON TREES! BUT IT'S MADE FROM IT! SOMETIMES!). But! For only $100 minus $2, it could be thine! I'm talking to you, Father McDougall. Muffy Crosswire. VERONICA LODGE!
And of course, all the daughters of Arab oil sheikhs that ever were. Ms. Oil Sheikha.
LOOKY! PURDY!
(Although one might question why, at that price, it doesn't play haunting whale songs every time you open it).
the end.
..
TWO TEABAGS per cup, and I still can't feel the caffeine. This motherhood thing is exhausting.
Je suis fatty gay*.
..
*not a slur.**
**slur rhymes with blur. And blur rhymes with durr. And durr is what stupid people say. And stupid is the opposite of smart. And Stephen Hawking is smart. So ya, thanks for the Nobel Prize.
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